Who Wears the Pants in this Relationship?

Inspired by my wonderful friend Tiffany, I decided to ponder this topic. I ultimately believe in a perfect environment that relationships and marraiges should be partnerships. Where someone is slacking, the other should be right there to pick it up. People have individual talents and strengths, and I believe you should always defer to the more qualified person. However, sometimes you can run into the problem of too many chiefs and not Indians. I think it's all a matter of understanding that by submitting to someone else's lead, you are not necessarily forsaking power of your own in the relationship. Whether you do that in terms of raising your children or finances, or whatever, as with most other relationships, it all begins with balance.

I believe that everyone can be satisfied with a little effort and a little mutual sacrifice like the couple above. In the midst of so many people worried about sacrificing career for love, no one talks about those who make it work like the couple pictured above. Now, Barack Obama is the hottest politician in the streets with books and speeches galore, but his wife Michelle is an accomplished attorney and leader in her own right and she was a boss in the game well before she and Barack got married. Yet despite their quite extensive ambition to become the best, they have a strong family and better yet a strong family life. It can be done, and they're doing it on the biggest stage you can imagine. There's no reason we can't all learn a lot from them.

Interracial Dating

He's got jungle fever....she's got jungle fever....they've got jungle fever...they're in love! (I had to do it..sorry)

Interracial dating has been a hot button issue for some time now. I personally don't do it because I value black women too much to want anything else, but I understand that's just me. I was the only one out of all of my friends from college and high school just about who felt that way, and that will likely hold true the rest of my life. I just can't do it, nor do I want to. I won't knock those guys who choose to do it.

What I will knock is their reasoning. Sure, sometimes you can run into some trouble dating black women, but rarely does it ever have to do with them simply being black. No race of woman is superior by virtue of skin color, and having your white girl as a status symbol or trophy spits on the struggles our mothers and grandmothers made to raise us. Please stop it. You date white women because you want to, not because they're better than black women.

I read an article recently that suggests that black women are turning to white men and others as an alternative since there aren't black men available. If black men truly aren't available in enough numbers, I truly empathise. That's gotta be rough. I've heard all of the doomsday statistics about the state of black men and won't bother to repeat them, but in my heart, I know that all the news about us isn't bad. Keep believing in us. Please :).

The Independant Professional Black Woman...Yes I'm Talkin About You!

Professional black women... I love you! You're brilliant. You're dynamic. You're savvy. You're sexy. You're beautiful. You're all the things that black men should and do want (even if they're not necessarily the same thing). But the truth is, you're killing me.

In the midst of all of your success, accolades, and dream chasing, you've become disillusioned. You've been hurt by some men, disrespected by others, and taught to distrust the rest by what I call the "Black Men Ain't Shit" movement. I understand your frustration with us. As a whole, we can leave much to be desired. But that's not a license to board yourself up emotionally like Hurricane Katrina 2 is coming and require men to jump through rings of fire just to get to know you. It's not cute. It's not an approrpiate way of dealing with your issues and you're pushing away the kind of men you say you want. No man wants to lick your wounds from old relationships just like you don't want to pay for other women's mistakes. Now granted, we all have some emotional baggage. It's a part of life, but again, it's not an excuse to wild out on the next man or woman.

In all of your independence, I think you've had a lot to deal with that you shouldn't accept. Men who are too insecure with themselves to handle you in all of your glory need to wake up and get over themselves. It's 2007 men! Women are not here to cook your meals, clean your crib, do your laundry, and raise your kids. If that's how you determine a woman's worth, you will be missing out on what matters every time. Any woman who can climb to the top of Corporate America or a law firm or whatever her profession is most certainly the essence of what you want.

Stop Stalking!

This has been an issue of mine for a minute now. I am way past tired of men (or those who claim to be men) stalking women they're dating or interested in dating. I can list off several occassions where I've said something to a female friend of mine on facebook, myspace, or in person that some random guy has taken issue with in one way or another. Some of these guys have friends who check their girl's facebook page for them and report back on who said what. GROW THE #$)@ UP! PLEASE! If all it takes is a couple of slick comments on facebook to threaten your relationship, you shouldn't be worried about what I have to say. You should be worried about why your girl isn't that into you. If you're not even in a relationship with the woman at issue, you have no business seeing who said what and when.

This kind of stuff stems from the attitude of protectiveness that men have about women they're involved with. There's nothing wrong with that, but I think we're losing sight of what matters. The best way to make sure your girl doesn't go astray isn't checking who's potentially trying to take your place, it's making sure you're standing strong in your place and that your woman knows you're not going anywhere just yet. You really have to put that woman first, not random guys. If you're doing the best you can in your relationship or trying to holla, you will be assured of two things. First, your girl will know that you're for real and if she feels the same way, she'll know she's getting your best and she won't go anywhere. Second, if your girl isn't really that into you, you won't have to worry yourself with questions like "What if I had done better by her? Would we still be together?" because you'll know that your best just wasn't enough for old girl and you can keep it moving.

Plus you don't want to encourage men like me who aren't so insecure about things like that to come and take yours. That kind of attitude makes it much easier. Trust me.

One Night Stands...

One night stands... such a controversial topic. We've all thought about it. Most of us have done it or will do it. But the question is, "Is it right?" My answer? Almost always it's cool to have a one night stand so long as you're responsible about it. That means condoms. That means knowing whether or not you can emotionally handle that nothing may materialize beyond the morning after. That means being willing to deal with the consequences of such a choice like pregnancy and the like. And it definitely means keeping it real with those whom you choose to be intimate with.

Many people wonder about whether having sex too quickly makes you a hoe. I generally don't think so as long as you're honest with yourself about what you're getting into. Although it's true that many men will consider women who give it up to be hoes, in my opinion, that attitude reflects a blatant hypocrisy that men rarely admit to. There ultimately should be no difference between a man choosing to have sex quickly and a woman making the same choice. However, I'm kidding myself to think that the world will see it that way, and I'm kidding myself to think that men will recognize the hypocrisy.