The Unity Series: Why does it hurt so bad?

I Tried by Anthony Hamilton

Being in love is like running the gauntlet. At the end of that gauntlet is your heart and soul's ultimate satisfaction; a mate who compliments, uplifts, and pleases you the way you need. However, you are no doubt bound to be bruised and knocked down before ever crossing the finish line. That is the nature of the journey towards anything worth having. Some people take their lumps, and resolve to stand stronger, but others take each slight as evidence that there is no finish line in sight. As to the latter, why can't those who hurt deeply forget about their past failures?

"His Perspective"

Holding on to negativity is second nature to most people. I'm definitely guilty of it. No matter how much our friends encourage us to get back up again when we fall due to something in our romantic relationships, it's never that simple is it? We live paralyzed by fear that someone else will do it again if we let our guard down for a moment. In my experience, this tends to enhance the feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction I've felt, not make it better. That's why I strive not to hold the next woman responsible for something that one of her predecessors did or didn't do. After all, she didn't have anything to do with me being done dirty most likely. It's not her fault, and she should not be made to pay the price. Furthermore, I never want to face the reality that I let something good go because some ex of mine who's likely an ex for a reason made a mistake. I try to move on from the past as much as practicable. Sure, it's good to learn from history, but it's never a good idea to let history stand in the way of future blessings. I strive to never get caught looking backwards when the finish line is in sight. Do you?

"Her Perspective"

Generally, a woman doesn't have a problem letting go and forgetting a failed relationship. However, it is hard to forget the brutal burns of a past devastating relationship. It is difficult for any person to forget an experience involving an excruitating pain, mental or physical. Although the pain and hurt may fade with time, the bruise will always be there. We know what it feels like to be hurt. It doesn't feel good. Women don't become defensive after one bad relationship. Rather, they slowly build a hedge of protection around themselves. I can't fault a woman for that. However, some women do too good of a job at building their defense wall. You are too busy focusing on the pains of the past to recognize what the future has in store for you. It is a critical mistake to make the assumption that all men are bad. As women, we need to learn to slowly open our hearts to men and make them earn our trust instead of volunteering it. Otherwise, you gon' find yourself by yourself.

Girl Talk... Where's the Honesty?

Ladies, if a man isn't pleasing you sexually, how do you handle it? I'm willing to bet most of you don't tell him what he needs to hear; the TRUTH. I know our egos tend to be overinflated and fragile at times. But if you don't let a man know he needs to step his game up, he'll continue screwing it up. I've heard plenty of stories with details about how disappointed women were with men's performance. If you're not going to kick him out and tell him why he's gotta go, or tell him that he needs to do something better or not at all, you're contributing to his falsely overinflated ego thereby making the problem worse. Sure his feelings might be hurt, but he'll go walk it off eventually and step his game up.

Men should have a passion to study the female form just like we'd study anything else. Sure every woman is different, but all women respond to the attention you pay towards mastering physically pleasing them, and they'll be all the more willing to work with you. Plus, real talk, if you want her to remember the time she spent with you, you'll man up and learn what it takes.

Stop Playin Yourself

I've had a couple very compelling conversations with my female friends about a very pressing topic. They were of the general opinion for some reason that men lie about their relationship status and how they feel about women when they're trying to get some. Perhaps because that's very true. Men lie, but women do too. I am not defending those who choose to lie when I say this, but at some point, you have to take responsibility for believing those lies or not expecting action in conformity with what men say. The writing on the wall is normally clear enough to tell you everything you need to know if you're paying attention.

I see women playing themselves quite a bit, and it concerns me. You'd be amazed at some of the things that women respond to favorably without a scintilla of substance. Whether it's naivety or desire that clouds your judgment, you have to realize it is being clouded at some point. I have played myself by being blinded to what was really being said, and it has hurt or embarassed me. I'm not afraid to admit that, so I rarely take any woman's statement at face value until I get a better picture of how her actions relate to the things she says. I don't think women are not to be trusted, and I don't think women should adopt the "I don't believe ish you say" appraoch either. You can hear what a guy or girl is telling you and wait for them to deliver without getting yourself in too deep. Words in and of themselves should never be enough to get you open. They are rarely as real and satisfying as the real thing.